Back in the days, public speaking was something that I was ok with. I just had issues with small talk and showing feeling.
Over the last few years I’ve run so many presentations and ive gotten used to it. Loved it too.
Recently ive been having doubts. If anything, even a little hesitant in wanting to stand in front of people to present an idea or speak.
Now having just run a seminar with some lovely ladies, ive found that I fucked up big time. And feel even more like I dont know what im doing. I feel so open and vulnerable and feel shitty but in a way good. .. if that even makes sense.
Ive been feeling very strange lately. One big thing is im learning to not look at other people for recognition? Dammit lost the word. It’ll get to me.
Ive realised that no one gives a shit. No one gives a shit about what I do. No one celebrates what I do. No one even wants to care about what im doing.
And its only now do I really understand when they say, no one gives a shit about what you do except you. And rightfully so right?
You are the only one who will care about what you come up with. You are the only one who cares about what youve achieved. You are the only one who will laugh at your own jokes.
The funniest people on youtube are those who laugh at their own shit and started making those videos for them to laugh at.
Having millions of fans is a bonus. Having money is a bonus.
I sometimes wonder why I do these womens seminars. Initially it was to market our business and make money. Now it feels more like marketing the event and making the event sell rather than selling our business. I havent made any money to date. Not at all. Having fucked up today will mean I wont make any. I didnt even get ppl wanting to have the book. And the book is fucken free.
And I guess at the end of the day… my thoughts are not that im upset but more of a learning curve.
Not everyone is going to want my product. Not everyone is going to enjoy what I have to say. Not everyone is going to want what I have to give. Just like the bowl of soup that my boyfriend left for 2 weeks.
Another thing that I learmt from this is what these women want. Not a lot of them want relationship stuff. They want sex. These are oldies who want sex.
And that is what im going to talk about next, sex.
I do feel like what is the purpose of all this. What will I achieve and what will I get.
But also, what else have I got to give?
Well… I guess.. in my space of Saturn Return. Lets see what happens next