Anxiety VS Anticipation
Have you ever heard of the anecdote (is it called anecdote..?) where someone has compared the feeling of anxiety with the feeling of anticipation?
The first time I heard of this was at the Tony Robbins Date with Destiny seminar when he was talking about the meanings that we give experiences. He was talking about the feeling of anxiety or feeling anxious or worried is the exact same feeling of anticipation or excitement. Kinda of like that adrenaline rush when you’re about to jump out of a plane to go sky diving.
In the last few days, I have to admit, I have been feeling really anxious. I don’t think it’s that I’m worried about anything or feeling negative of anything. I think I’ve been feeling like this because I’ve been anticipating something. Excited. Like.. that feeling of excitement like you’re about to go to Disney land or going away overseas.
I’ve been feeling like my dreams are slowly realising and I’m really ready to charge ahead. But it’s that anticipation, that waiting that’s killing me a little at the moment. All this – OMG-it’s-happening but I still have to wait.
I have applied for a job that is exactly the job that I have wanted. Exactly the career pathway to take me closer to where I want to be in the future and the waiting is killing me!!
When did this all begin?
This entire year has been one of learning, growing and waiting. Patiently waiting and flowing with the universe (though there are moments when I am trying to rush).
I guess, what I mean is, that this year has been a time for me to slow things down, take a step back and really be real with who I am and be real with the future that I want to live. I have stopped living for others or living in someone else’s picture, so now have been thinking exactly what kind of life do I want to have.
I thought about what exactly do I want to do for a living. I don’t just mean a “job”, I mean, what really makes you bolt out of bed each morning and makes you want to keep going til your so tired at night.
I applied for so many different kinds of jobs this year that it wasn’t funny and I was rejected from everyone. Mmm Hmmm.. every single job. I applied in counselling jobs, mental health, project management, project officer, tender writer, program consultant, program coordinator, program manager, facilitator, trainer, buyer, designer, garment QA, program developer, administration and the list goes on. It was like no focus and just apply for anything and everything that fits within what I did at Uni.
Anything and everything. But none that I was happy about. None that made me feel like, “Yes, that’s the one”. It’s a no brainer why I didn’t get these jobs. My passion wasn’t there. It’s one thing to write in your resume that you have passion, it’s another to really have it.
I didn’t have a passion for any of the jobs that I was applying for. At one stage, I felt so rejected and so much of a nobody with no skills that I gave up. I didn’t want to look for a job any more. To me the whole ordeal just made me feel like I was a poor body, looking for a job to feed me, when in reality, I was quite comfortable where I was (though, comfy doesn’t always mean happy).
What did I do about it?
So, in the last few months, or maybe really in the last month, I stopped. I sat down and really thought about what, where, with whom I wanted to work with next year.
- – somewhere in a cool office, like a google office
- – cool people and especially a cool boss
- – facilitation / coaching / something in front of people
- – working with groups of people (small business or a team in a larger organisation) doing something to do with business
- – innovation facilitation if I could
- – pays well
- – can fly around Australia too
I didn’t know how, but that was what I wanted.
I do have an opportunity to run more workshops next year, but they would only be a once a month (if that) thing and only in a very specialised area of business. But that was not enough. I needed more time, more work, more opportunities.
What is this innovation facilitation thing I mentioned above?
The first time I’ve ever heard about innovation facilitation was during my master NLP practitioner training course. My instructor was talking about the different things you could do with NLP and that it didn’t have to be just NLP. She said a few things, gave us a few example of past students and then she mentioned the term “Innovation Facilitation”. This was two years ago. Two years ago, I didn’t even know what this was but I loved it. I love innovation. I love facilitation. I love being in front of people making innovation happen.
At that time I didn’t know a single thing about it. I did some research on Google and had a general idea of what was done and what it was used for.
Then, naive and young me decided to do something pretty stupid by today’s standard. I decided to send a flyer to some potential clients. I remember sending it to Cotton On and ANZ. Can’t remember why them – I may have seen a job advert for some creative people?
Anyway. Naive me send out a Christmas card with an Innovation Facilitation flyer to these selected people. And no, I didn’t slip in a $100 note as Tony Robbins has suggested to make sure that the executive assistant remembers to put the card on the table.
side note – that doesn’t work in Australia right? That would be a-ok in america, but in australia, we don’t like that kind of thing. Or do we? Or am I just too righteous?
Moving on. So I sent out 4 cards to 4 potential clients. Just cards with a Christmas message and a flyer.
Did it work?
Of course not!
I’m sitting here embarrassed as fuck thinking what (or if) those guys would have thought when they actually saw the card and the flyer. They must have thought, “I don’t know who this is”.
And no I didn’t follow up either.
Naive, silly, young me. Though, I still give myself props for having the balls to send it to the CEO of Cotton On, CEO of IBM and CEO of ANZ.
Anyway, fast forward two years on, one long trip to Canada and the US later, and it was only two months ago when I met, an Innovation Facilitator.
Yup. I did the Playback Improv class with her for a whole 8 weeks and I didn’t know that she was an Innovation Facilitator until the last day. And I kid you not. As soon as she told me what she did, how she did it – it lit up my whole fucking year. I was gloomy, confused and sad because I didn’t know what I wanted and truthfully, when you’re feeling like shithouse, you’re not thinking about the goals and the dream that you wanted.
She got me into one of her creative master classes with her teacher from Canada and it was so cool. We went for a coffee and she told me everything she did. She even told me that her ex-business partner dreaded doing half the stuff that they were doing. I just looked at this lady in the eyes and lit up, “Oh My God. Everything you’ve just said, is everything I want to do and I enjoy doing”.
From there I was hooked.
So then what happened?
Even though she did say that if there was an opportunity for me to help her that she would call me, I knew that maybe that chance would be small. It’s not that she doesn’t want to help me, it’s more that she was only picking up a few jobs here and there because of her lifestyle and how she wanted to spend her time.
So with the hopes that she would call me one day, I continued to look for a job.
And then. After a morning cry session of how I just want to work with clients, do some interesting stuff, I found THE JOB. Yup, I told me boyfriend, “This is not just a job, it’s THE JOB. The job that you’ve wanted for years. The dream”.
I applied. Got through the application. Thank God! Thank the Universe for all the practices that I’ve done during the year and trying to improve each time. Thank the Universe for getting me to do that Tenders and Proposal writing course at Holmesglen because it taught me “Plain English” a form of writing that I used in year 12 and forgotten because I thought I needed to write with big words as an adult.
Then I had to send in a 2 minute video via YouTube to talk about why I wanted to work there. I got through that part of the process as well!. I was just thinking. OMG, Thank you God. Thank you Universe! Thank you for somehow making me grab my camera and film. Practice talking. Pick up that I saw so too much. Pick up the art of making plans and pre-rehearsing. Thank you for getting me to do my Diploma of Coaching so that I learnt how to plan and prepare a speech from doing the “how to run a successful workshop” training week. I just felt so at home. I can imagine how hard that would be, or so unfamiliar that would be for so many people.
Now, I am waiting for the group interview. And it’s not til two week away.
And yes, hence the anticipation.
I feel like this is my job. I hope and cross all my fingers and toes, that I get it.
I’m also getting myself to calm the fuck down and just chill. Just go with the Universe. Just stay level-headed. Not because I fear failure. No not at all.
But because I have learnt this year not to take things to the extreme. Not to allow feelings to be extreme. It’s a practice in Buddhism to keep a neutral flow. if things a good in this moment, we celebrate and be happy. When something is sad, we cry, be sad and let it pass. It’s like that story “This shall pass”.
I won a tender a few months ago. And that is what is giving me that opportunity to run different workshops next year. I was really happy about it.
Though this… this is really how I see next year. so I guess, my physical body, my emotions, my mind is just soo excited. I can’t wait to get in there. I can’t wait to be in the room, to serve the people, to represent the business.
Wish me luck!
ps – I’m still buzzing. I think I’m buzzing even more talking about it! 😀
#gratitude, anxiety or excitement, anxiety vs anticipation, applying for jobs, blog, getting rejected from jobs, hope i get the job, innovation facilitation, innovation facilitator, job seeker blues, job seeking depression, karen luu, kluublog, melbourne, thank the universe, worry or excited