[wrote this last week, but am publishing it this week because my arms were hurting all week! lol Last week was the first week and tomorrow is 2nd week! Yikes!]

Im in so much pain.. knees are so bruised.. ankles feel bruised.. inner arms is burned (remember chinese burn).. hands are ok… even inner thighs… burn baby burn

Today was the first day of pole and fuck me it was hard. So much harder than I thought and I feel even more like a fricken newb. Lol

I thought going to seduction class was hard enough but this has been next level.

I seriously thought we were going to just do simple tricks.. I didnt think we were going to be spinning around the pole and jumping UP the pole. Yes.. UP THE POLE. Damnnnn

I remember a few weeks back I filmed my first routine and I watched myself dance.. I felt all kinds of insecurities, vulnerability.. I saw my body from a different perspective.. I mean.. I’m used to seeing top down right. I’m not body shameful or non-loving my body but seeing it from the back made me realise.. fuck I’m getting old.

There were so many classes and choreo where I felt like such a newb.. back rolls.. what? … sliding down poles!! Yikes!! And getting down on the floor, spilts, then jumping up and back down again… dangg..

Though whether I looked newb, looked like I had no idea or just completely lost, I still did it anyway or attempted it anyway. No one is looking or judging me, the only person judging is the mini me.

So this week.. being the first week or pole… I felt all newb again. Like really bad. I was holding the pole for dear life. Lol.

And funny thing was the dance class afterwards was also related to the pole.. but shit.. I was so knackered that I looked terrible by the time we filmed. I was dead. Couldn’t look hot anymore and really hot and tired from dancing for 2 hours.

Lesson. Even if it’s painful physically, mentally or emotionally, just keep going. Can’t compare where you are with the people who are far far ahead of you. You can only learn to love yourself, love who you are and love that you gave it ago.

Im in so much pain right now but feeling great. The pain and bruises feel like success! Lol

Now to buy knee pads to orevent further bruising. Lol

[Well actually at 10.00PM the night the class.. I’m feeling a bit scared..]

Karen x

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