As per usege – I’m delayed by like two months this time in writing.
I’ve been away from my blog for so long that my blog is getting hacked again – possibly from not checking and the hack bugs think this is open fo business – emmm.. no.
So what’s been happening? My life is pretty boring in between work and study, mainly work in the last few weeks. I haven’t even read my text book which is a worry. I thought that studying on a Monday night was great, but actually, it just gives me the excuse to not do any work at all during the week and “rely” on the weekend, which I use to use it to do homework and during the week as reading.
But anyway.. I’ve had some changes recently, mainly one of work growth. The responsibilities are getting heavier and the focus is getting more directed into people management rather than operations manager or project management which I am use to. Which, in some ways is a great experience and also a grateful experience to be able to have an opportunity to develop that. I have managed people before but for smaller periods of time for specific projects. The kind of management now is more focused on daily staffing issues and managing their workloads, sickies and motivation.
Though, a big change I’m seeing is how much I am valued at work. I think back to where I was in the past and it’s a big difference. I’m not talking just monetary value but it’s also the encouragement and acknowledgement that I get from my current managers that is a huge difference to what I got in my last workplace – the “prove that you are worth more money” BS. I’m glad life has pulled me away from that kind of mindset.
Another big difference is that I am finding myself veering towards working more and focusing on work more than in the past. The “excuse” or “story”, I suppose, that I give myself is that I’ve waisted my 20’s thinking about marriage and kids and stressing over that shit, when I should’ve been thinking more about career, finance and making the right choices about the guys I dated.
No one was worth the amount of grief they caused and the psychological hardship I endured.
And no one ever is.
But that’s the trap. When you think someone is worth your last breath, placing them on a pedestal and fucking bowing down to their every need. The reality is, that it’s not supposed to be like that.
This has also transcended into how I pick people to hire. I must admit, that I don’t trust anyone. lol. All the bullshit, all the lies, all the talking up oneself. This is the same I go through when I meet a guy who’s interested.
The initial intrigue, the interest in getting to know them, the stalking of their social media to see whether their stories match up, to then using my own eyes and heart to feel their honesty and truth. My understanding is that if someone can’t live authentically through social media, then what are they hiding?
I tried looking for people to work online, just like I tried online dating. And honestly, I don’t know who is telling the truth about their education, work experience and interests. Holy shit, just like online dating.
Everyone tries to make themselves sound motivated, go-getter, fun, interesting… I’ve had so many people tell me, “I’m a fast learner”, “I pick up things quickly”… kind of makes me think of all the guys that are like, “I’m really loving, caring and fun”, “I would love to take you out where you like”… all fucking lies LOL!
So where should you meet someone?? Where do you find the good people for work. As so many people ask.
In some ways, the only way to find is by trial and error. Give someone an opportunity to show you what they are and who they are – regardless of their past… and then fucking cut them off when they don’t perform! LOL No seriously, cut em off.
Work wise, yes, cut em off, before they ruin the business, lose money and create more havoc.
Relationship wise, sit on it for longer if the emotions have been built, but if you’re watching yourself being drained, losing money and having more havoc in your life.. is it worth staying. My lesson learnt I tells ya!
Though, in terms of relationships, I still believe in the mindset that I’ve shared with people. That when you are doing things that you enjoy doing and being in environments that you love being, that the universe syncs it up and you will meet that someone on your pathway. And it’s not the “I need to prove myself” pathway, nor is it the “I don’t think I’m good enough” pathway.. but it’s the pathway where you feel yourself thinking, “Yeah.. I’m happy where I am”… “I’m grateful for the wonderful things I’m doing” and most importantly, “I love who I am where I am right now”.
It’s easy to say “I love me”, but it’s slightly more challenging to really love yourself.
And I think that it first starts by coming to terms or admitting to the things that you hate or loathe about yourself – the authenticity of really allowing yourself to feel anger, sadness and hate for yourself and then accepting that these things are about you. It might start as only acceptance before you can love the “darker” side of you.
On the contrary, if you continue to shy away from admitting that there are things you hate, you end up repressing that force that pushes you. But, when you push away one calling, you push away all.
I’m not sure what the percentage of people using internet online dating sites are but the people that are “matched” with me, I have no idea why they are “matched” with me. We’re completely different people but not only that, they are people that I am not attracted to.
So in a world where people don’t make themselves available and where people are seeking for that special someone, where are you supposed to go?
You don’t go. You don’t go out with the eye of wanting desperately to seek out that special someone. You go out as the special someone doing something that you like and just allow for that attraction to grow. It’s not always a matter of having to throw yourself out there, or closing yourself up to people who don’t “fit” the picture, but training yourself to enjoy yourself and seeing the opportunities that are constantly presented to you.
Ok, opportunities, present yourselves. 😉