My Night Time Soups
I was feeling a little weird feeling inside my stomach and thought maybe it would go away… it wasn’t the strong pain feeling ones but more like the fleeting ones. But after a few good hours it didnt go away and then I heard the grumbling.
Ok so maybe it wasnt emotional emptiness that I was feeling but am actual physical needing fuel.
So as I sit with my continental cuppa soup, I write. Yes again.
I’ve been obsessed with WongFuProductions lately, mainly the Wongfu weekends. I’ve never been into wongfu even though I’ve heard of them and seen them in other YouTuber videos like on Ryan Higas channel and Just Kidding News. I think I was first really impressed by them when I saw their Lee Hom video… I saw this by chance when I was looking for a Lee Hom song that another singer parodied (a word?)
Though I didn’t and still haven’t subscribed (I hear the fans hearts breaking). I watched a lot of WFW mainly because of Phil. I think he is a really interesting person because I like his energy, drive and passion and since seeing his blog, I feel his thoughts remind me of me. His blog really reminds me of the how I think about relationships and his writing voice sounds like mine.
It’s actually the first blog that I read as I normally only read stupid, silly stuff on buzzfeed or read random articles for research. I don’t normally like reading about other people’s thoughts because quite frankly, I dont give a shit… and I say it in a respectable and nice way.
You gotta understand, I listen to people’s stories for a living. I get hundreds of stories, all about heartache, angst, fury, sadness, grief and just basically everything bad in life from people seeking help. I’m not really one to go home and read more nagging people do online. Im not saying that i dont like working with people but nagging people online I cant help and the nagging continues – that pisses me off! Phils blog is one that reminds me of me and reminds me of the thoughts I used to have when I was writing on my old blog. Yes I have been quite nostalgic lately.
It’s amazing to see the insight behind the smiley artistic guy, who gives off a confident and happy to be in my skin kinda person give real accounts of his personal headspace and struggle with understanding love and marriage. It reads like he has given up on a relationship that may have turned to marriage but feels perhaps it’s not the “one”. But he also struggles with the notion of, what if she was the one and he let her go. Will they ever meet up some other day. (You won’t Phil)
I think most people go through that before or after break up. I think I remember reading about this in either a cosmo magazine or something (meaning a proper psych book lol) about how women and men process breaking up. Women go through it before the break up and process it, whereas men do it afterwards.
But in this case, I think the difference is between the dumper and the dumpee. Remember this concept when I was rejected for the “dream job”? The dumper is always going to feel slightly better than the one who was dumped. The one who does the dumping is prepared, thought about it and does it. The one who gets dumped gets a shock to the system, rejection and hell.
I guess not everyone gets a clean happy mutual break up.
At least Phil feels somewhat sad that he hurt his ex. And I am sure everyone does to a certain point. But its not our duty to cushion the pain. Feelings are feelings. Love is love. I tried to just go with it and hope to get the ring on the finger without caring about what I want and whether im happy. Life doesnt work like that.
“I see my missing pieces in you”, something I strive for. To love and accept someone for who they are but without the expense of losing who I am.
I see myself as more a salesman than a story teller, even though I gotta tell more stories. People learn better from stories and anecdotes and if I want to continue to sell people that true love is possible and there really is a Mr Right and Miss Right out there for everyone, I have to believe in that. And I do.
You know what, fuck what I said last post. Love is Easy, Relationships are Easy too! I believe it comes down to HOW you do it and HOW MUCH you’re willing to put in. How committed you are to put in to continue to lie next to the craziest person you know that makes you feel like you are the most unique person ever! Or basically working and continually working on fulfilling each others needs – security, spontaneity, connection, love, feeling special and growing together and giving back to the world together as a team.
If you can’t be fucked, then that’s a clear indicator that person isn’t the one.
Suddenly this thought came to, “Dont hate the player, hate the game”. Love is not a game, its the foundation to motivate you to keep working on fulfilling your partners needs and vice versa. If she likes to be hugged, hug her, if he likes freedom, give him freedom. It’s not a competition of who does more or who does less. You give 130% because you want to, not because it’s to compensate for the 70% they bring to the table.
The kind of relationship I wish to have is “Your needs are my needs” because that’s the person I am and thats the standard entry level from now on. How would one prove that to me in the beginning? Lol I think by now I have great assessment skills to filter. And I also trust the Universe to bring forth a good one or good ones.
Might end it here before I start writing another chapter and this entry gets wayyy too long. Hopefully one day, if possible and if our paths do cross, that I can meet Phil in person and see for myself what kind of person he is – whether he is the arrogant prick he thinks he is.