Umm Why Havent You Learned Yet!?
So Ive been reading my old blog and I will admit I skipped over a large portion of the crap I wrote in 2010 and 2011… Mate, Im glad Im not in that headspace anymore.
Anyway, I came across a story that I included in 2008 about a man fishing. I had forgotten about this story and maybe my 23 year old self knew that the 30 year old needed to read this one day.
So here goes:
One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.
About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.
“You aren’t going to catch many fish that way,” said the businessman to the fisherman. “You should be working rather than lying on the beach!”
The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied,
“And what will my reward be?”
“Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!” was the businessman’s answer.
“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied,
“You will make money and you’ll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!”
“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman’s questions.
“You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!” he said.
“And then what will my reward be?” repeated the fisherman. The businessman was getting angry.
“Don’t you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail
all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!”
Once again the fisherman asked, “And then what will my reward be?” The
businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman,
“Don’t you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won’t have a care in the world!”
The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what do you think I’m doing right now?”
Such a perfect story to remind me to calm the fuck down.
I was telling my good friend yesterday that I’ve been too caught up in the status quo and feeling like I have to be like others and move in the same path. It’s actually really stupid that for years these great teachers have either told me directly or through books or youtube to be congruent and stick to what is right to you. As much as I have said, “Yeah I know”, the reality is that I dont know. Cos if I did, I wouldnt be stuck.
It sucks to see where I was mentally and emotionally when I was young – always looking towards a future being a much happier place. There was a reason why I was so anxious.
If I could go back to my young twenties self, I would tell myself,
When you are 30, you’ll still worry about the same things. So just enjoy being young and just give it a go.
To see the angst and trauma that my young self went through in all those years without knowing kinda sucks.
It’s now clear as day that because I didnt believe that I was good enough, I didnt believe anyone could ever love me, I didnt believe I deserved love (yes the three injections of misery) that life was pretty miserable and I never followed through with my goals and continually was attracting boys who didnt love me or were capable of loving me because they were a freaking reflection of how I had felt inside – no love for self.
They always say that you can’t love others until you love yourself but how many actually do this? I always said “Yep I know” but if I really did know, I wouldn’t have been that sad or that emo in those years.
I think while we are all still making an effort to do it, may we appreciate that we will still self-loathe, that we will still have self hate and that we will still have self doubts.
Perhaps the success of loving yourself fully wont happen until our 40s or 50s or 90s (mm big jump) but as a 30 year old, our success comes from the accumulated days where even for one spilt second we had a self appreciation moment a simple of thought of “Ahh.. I love me. I think Im awesome”. Slowly slowly building our strength.
I know for sure that the sun comes up each day.
I know for sure that my body will breath and my heart will beat without me consciously reminding myself to.
I know for sure that I will always have supportive people around me and approach me.
I know for sure the Universe has my back.
I know for sure that I will attract my Mr Right into my life. For sure. Hands down. No questions asked.
I know with certainty that it will happen and is in motion.
I know for sure my business will turn around and my clients will approach me.
I know for sure abundance is in me.